The Love Prescription by John Gottman PhD & Julie Schwartz Gottman PhD

Author:John Gottman, PhD & Julie Schwartz Gottman, PhD [Gottman, John & Gottman, Julie Schwartz]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Penguin Publishing Group
Published: 2022-09-27T00:00:00+00:00

The Positive Perspective: The Most Potent Antidote There Is

It’s quantifiable: You need roughly twenty times as much everyday positivity as there is negativity between you and your partner. An amazing way to create positivity is to admire your partner, and then say it out loud. In a jam-packed day, it’s possible to just let the real stuff of life slip away—so take a few moments to regard this human you’re going through life with and remember, Oh yeah, I really love the way she comes home every day so jazzed to tell me about her work. Don’t let those thoughts and feelings pass without sharing them with your partner. Grab on to them; hand them to your partner like a tiny gift. It’s a gift for you, too.

Affection, respect, and friendship are the foundation of everything else in a marriage or any long-term relationship, from how fiery your sex life is to how you can effectively navigate a thorny discussion about finances. But it doesn’t “just happen.” It comes from intention. From action. From choice. You choose, every day, to perform these small actions that fill up your emotional bank account. You make time to check in. You stay curious: What don’t I know about her? What’s his day been like? You keep a lookout for bids for connection and you turn toward whenever you can, because now you know that even the most fleeting of engagements—a smile, an encouraging phrase, a follow-up question that communicates I’m listening; I care about what you’re saying—are all money in the bank. You retrain that squirrelly human brain of yours to scan for the positive instead of the negative, reprogramming your neurons to notice what’s right instead of what’s wrong, which has trickle-down effects throughout your brain, body, relationship, and experience of life. And you make it a top priority to hold in the front of your mind the things you love and admire about your partner. Not just the things they do for you, but who they are fundamentally.

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